Cogrevv Conversation Cards
Those of you who have listened to one or more of the podcasts have heard me say that part of our difficulty lies in our current understanding of unity. We think of unity as everyone getting on one side of the boulder and pushing together. When we look out at the world, however, we see the impossibility of either Nationalists or Globalists moving over to the other side of the boulder. We need a new definition of unity to give us hope--a definition that arises from the unity present in the human body. In the body we see muscle pairs like the biceps and triceps pulling in opposite directions. Neither muscles ever changes the direction of its effort or pull, however the two muscles coordinate a shared action for every movement from sipping a teacup to throwing a ball. That is Cogrity—the readiness of opposing forces to coordinate a shared action. The healthier we are, the more cogrity between our muscle pairs.
Development of Conversation Format
When we look out into the world, we see rampant polarization and division and a much greater number of divisive conversations that unifying ones. Thoughtful people everywhere wish to be part of the solution and healing, but feel that there is little that can be done on an individual level. I believe that Cogrevv can help these people be part of the solution.
Cogrevv is designed to help promote Cogrity between people who hold oppositional beliefs— not to try to change either person’s mind or bring them over to the opposite side of the boulder, but to explore what shifts listening to one another can create in the absence of arguing or convincing energy. Cogrevv also includes the task of coordinating a shared action together. It is designed to help users learn to speak the truth in love by committing to communication practices vital to cultivating unity and keeping division at bay. It is also put together in a way that highlights trauma-processing so that the conversations can be events that release and heal instead of wound and divide. Finally, the cards offer the opportunity for people to grow in identifying the punitive narcissistic habits that we all have and through this awareness to move a step closer to freeing ourselves from the negative outcomes that result from using such speech.
Communication Commitments
Presence: I commit to staying engaged and focused, and not going passive. I commit to not storming off, slamming doors, or turning a cold shoulder on you.
Civility: I will submit to the Cogrevv format. I commit to not interrupting you, speaking out of turn, raising my voice, being rude, swearing, labeling, threatening, name-calling, accusing, or making cutting or sneering remarks.
Reporting: I commit to describing my emotions in a calm tone of voice rather than venting or allowing a heated expression of my feelings. I commit to a respectful tone of voice and body language.
Truth: I will not lie. I will avoid exaggerating (a form of untruth). I commit to not using extreme language (always, never, every time, or other black and white terms).
Trust: I commit to not attributing negative motivations to you, for example: “You deliberately did that to hurt me.”
Double-I Messages: I commit to sharing in the format “When I saw/heard you do/say ________________________, I felt __________________.”
Authenticity: I commit to speaking from my direct experience. I will refrain from using “facts” or citing experts to prove my point.
Beginner’s Mind: I commit to staying curious and open to exploring without assumptions what you believe.
Accepting Otherness: I acknowledge that each person has a right to their own core ethos. I commit to respecting your beliefs even if when they are “other” or foreign to me.
Reverence: I commit to not arguing that my beliefs are more correct or trying to convince you to adopt my beliefs.
Reminder Card: If either teammate senses these commitments being broken they may ask, “What is your commitment to respectful speech?” The correct response is: “Thank you for that reminder. I am sorry I was rude and retract my comments.”
I am willing to take a Time-Out: If I or my teammate sense that I am no longer calm and at peace enough to continue on, I agree to take a Time-Out. Either participant can call a break at any time during Cool Cogrevv.